Sunday, October 3, 2010

Chapter 3: Cross Country - No Way I Can Do That

Hmmm, okay so the blogging more than once a month is not so much going to plan, but hey give me credit, i've at least thought about doing it more than once this month.  seems like something else always comes up or perhaps i don't feel creative enough to sit down and write.  I've never been much for journaling or keeping track of my thoughts, but this is something that is too important for me not to keep track of.  Again, for any of you in the cyber-world who are  reading this, thanks for your time, and please keep bearing with me...God ain't done with me yet.

So, again we pick back up on the road after the dream has been given to me.  Geez, i can't believe it is taking me two months to blog a 3 hour drive, but it's a good story and hopefully you keep coming back to read the next chapter.  All good cliff-hangers keep everyone wanting more.  Speaking of that, we like to watch Burn Notice, and it really chaps me that they only do like 8 shows and then take off about 6 months.  It's all good though because football season is here.  Okay, back to the dream.  So I'm told that I'm supposed to get a bike, ride cross country, raise awareness and support for CF and take my story to others...sure no problem...wait, you want me to do WHAT???!!!  Okay so once I regain semi-consciousness I pretty much say, well why not go all out crazy instead of just a little crazy right?  So I'm pretty much in a daze the rest of the ride home, but it was in a really good way.  I felt lighter, and a bit more free.  Even though I pretty much knew this dream would be squashed as soon as I shared it with anyone else, it felt good if only for a just a little while.  So I get home and give kisses to my girls, as I'm always happy to see them especially after a long day in Atlanta.  Hayden greets me with a great big "DDDAAAAAAADDDDDYYYYYY!!!" when I walk up the steps to the living room and Christie is watching something on TV.  I somehow muster up the courage to go and sit on the floor in front of the couch where they are hanging out and I give her the old "honey, we need to talk."  She says okay and actually put the TV on mute which means I have gotten her attention.  Now we all know that when someone says to you "we need to talk," it usually isn't a good thing, or at the very least it is something that is pretty serious.  So I basically just drop on her the whole conversation I had with God on my way home from Atlanta that day.  She kind of just looks at me and then finally says "welcome home."  So after sharing my calling to get a bike and ride it across country I proceed to tell her that she and Hayden are meant to go with me on this adventure following in the car.  She then just kind of sits there and looks into my eyes for what seemed like an eternity, although it was probably only a minute or so.  I will never forget the next words out of her &^$@&^#&@ (^&^&(* *$@^@^%&!!!  No, seriously we don't talk like that in our house, but she did ask if I was serious and I told her that I've never been more serious in my life.  She sat and thought about all I had unloaded on her and then this incredible, wonderful, caring, loving woman and my best friend for life says, "Okay, let's do it."  I was floored, God had cleared the first major wife would let me get a motorcycle.   We then talked a little bit more about our fears, our hopes, our dreams and more importantly what we are giving of our lives.  I don't understand how or why, but God gave me such a wonderful gift when He gave me Christie.  He knew how much she would believe in me and how much I would rely on her strength to keep me going at times.  See I have the easy part, I have to trust in only one, that's God, she has to trust in God and in me.  She does both, and in such beautiful fashion.  And so, we have a team of 3 now...but I had to talk to someone about this, someone else who would understand it all because in all honesty, I didn't.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Chapter 2: I willingly accept.

First off let me say that I really hope to update this a lot more than once a month. There is just so much that I need to put down on the cyber paper to get up to date as to where we are. If you read this, please bear with me and I promise more goodies in the future. So where were we...

Ahh yes, when we last left off I was smack dab in the middle of I-20 somewhere between the 'Ham and the ATL. I was also smack dab in the middle of a crossroads that God was calling me too. Kind of like that red pill vs. blue pill thing in the Matrix. So which one do I choose. One path would keep me on my current road of being comfortable and taken care of. To live out the rest of my days with my wonderful wife and precious little girl, with the occasional vacation thrown in here and there and some good times and I'm sure our fair share of bad times as well, although we've seen enough of those to be good for a while. I can't complain though, I am still blessed beyond measure. That sounds like it would be a pretty good path to take as it is the same one I have been on for a couple of years now, but something all along has been missing. You see old Yoda was right back in the real Star Wars movies, not the last 3, but the first three which were actually the last three. Anyway, I think it was in The Empire Strikes Back that Yoda explains to Luke that anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering, yayaya, you know that whole line. Well, that was my life. To put it another way, comfort had led to isolation, isolation had led to depression, depression leads to lifelessness, and, well lifelessness is just another word for death, except that you are still breathing, albeit selfishly taking air away from those who are living and really need it. I hope that makes sense, if not then oh well I know what I mean and you can ask me a question by leaving a comment on here. I didn't want to continue existing as a barely breathing skinny sack of bones. That's not who I want my wife to be married to, or my daughter to be fathered by, or my friends and family to see as an example of light in this world...the light i was giving off wouldn't fire up a lightning bug's butt (see you can take the boy out of South Georgia, but you can't take the South Georgia out of the boy. Much love to my hometown, Titletown USA.). In other words, I ain't going out like that. I said as much to God that day!

So I guess that leaves me with only one option, and I think God knew that. Funny how He puts you in a place to hear from Him when you really have no other choice BUT to hear from Him. He's done it to me before, but that is another chapter for another day. So God knows, because He is God and He knows everything, that I have always wanted to get a motorcycle, but that was a dream I had long given up. You know, because it's not practical, it's not safe, and besides, I'll shoot my eye out....oops sorry, wrong movie reference there. Anyway, what do you think of when you think about a motorcycle? Yeah I thought so, and that is what I thought too, CRAZY! No way I can get a bike, not with a 2 year old who needs her daddy around. So that dream was long since buried, covered with dirt so long and decomposing so badly you could probably smell it from where you are. Well in one fail swoop, God came in and knocked all that dirt off and brought my dream to life much the same way Jesus brought back Lazarus. God called my dream Lazarus and yelled loudly "Lazarus come out!". God reminded me of that dream and I argued about the whole crazy aspect of having a bike and how it wasn't safe and how my wife would never let me have one and this and that and yeah He wasn't really buying what I was selling. He pretty much said "I got that, let me handle the hard part, you just follow.". Oh, okay, so it's real easy to go home and share this with my wife and her not think I've lost my mind, not to mention all the other folks who look at me and think, "yep, that's a mid-life crisis if I've ever seen one". He pretty much tells me one step at a time and He will open the doors. Okay, I say, I'm supposed to get a bike, now what the hay am I supposed to do with it? I've never been on a motorcycle before, at least not one that goes faster than 40 mph and I didn't have to wear a big red helmet that made me look like Kool-Aid's half cousin. God said to me plain as day, "you will get a bike, you will ride it across this country to raise awareness and support for Cystic Fibrosis, and you will give hope to those who may have none and encourage dreams for those who are sleep walking. You will take your story, and make my name known.". Uh, okay...oh crap, maybe the comfortable life sounds a little better. Too late for that...

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Chapter 1: The Dream Is Given

So here I was just riding home on I-20 from another day in the office when I found myself deep in thought. At first I imagined it was just a daydream, but then a still small voice began to enter my head. He began speaking to me...again. I knew the voice as I had heard it cleary before although it had been a number of years since I had heard it this pronounced. Undoubtedly it was Him posing the question, one that begged an answer and begged of it soon. To not answer would surely bring more isolation, more desperation, more depression, and ultimately death. But what if...what if His intentions were good? What if He truly loved me like everyone says He does, then what kind of life could I truly have? Yes, it was God who sat alongside me and was asking if I was truly ready to follow Him. We talked for a while. He showed me many things and pointed out certain areas in my past that would prepare me for this journey. He assured that if I were to follow Him, I would have a life that I could have never dreamed possible. You see the problem is that I have never really been able to dream, never been able to fully engage the thought of who I ultimately wanted to become or what I wanted to do in this life. I was caught in a rut, a prisoner in my own kingdom. Sure i have my queen and i have my princess, but we had nothing outside the walls of our castle. Until now. Now here before me was an offer of life And all I had to do was to say yes...yes I will follow...what will you have me to do?